Name:Ethan Country:United States State:Illinois Birthday:1/30/1984 Gender:Male
Interests:Walking with Jesus, becoming a medical missionary, learning how to love like my Father (or letting my Father love through me), soccer, reading, music Occupation:Student Industry:Medical
During Christmas break of 2006, I sat next to my father in church.We were talking about my upcoming graduation when I looked at him and said “Dad, you really don’t have to go.”I said this to him because I knew he hated formality, especially in the form of graduation ceremonies.He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Don’t you say that.It was not long ago that I didn’t know if I’d ever get to see my son graduate from college.I’ll be there.”
Tonight marks the first change in decade of my life in which I could remember the previous change in decade.This came to my attention tonight as a few brothers were discussing where they were December 31, 1999.Unlike them, I couldn’t recall exactly where I was on that date…but I remember the circumstances all to well.
At the time I was questioning whether God existed, and if God did exist, was He the sort of God I could worship?I was both angry with God and scared of my circumstances.I didn’t know if I’d be alive to see the next New Year.I was tired of feeling worse every day than I ever had felt previously.I hated the mirror which reflected a fat bloated air dynamic image making my disease all the more difficult to ignore.At times, I didn’t want to be alive any more.I was tired of fighting, tired of pretending to be strong when I felt so completely and utterly weak.
Ten years have passed.Ten years.God lifted me up on wings like eagles.He delivered me in ways I still do not understand, and He is still delivering me today.I’m awestruck by how much my God has done for me (and He continues to do for me).I have been blessed overwhelmingly in the years since cancer, and in such a way, that I now contend that the cancer itself was a blessing, and not merely a blessing, but the second best thing that ever happened to me (the first being finding my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ).
I am thankful for cancer.I am thankful for the last ten years, but most of all, I am thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who is the love of my life.
I do not have a list of resolutions for the coming year, or the coming decade, other than this, I want to walk closer with my Lord.
So, over Christmas break, students from the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences are trying to raise $10,000 to help out the children of Northern Uganda.What is going on in Uganda you ask?Let me summarize.
For the past twenty-three years, the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) has been kidnapping children in Northern Uganda.The boys (as young as five years old) are forced to fight in the war.They embark in a vicious regimen of brutality to try to desensitize the children to violence.Sometimes, this includes forcing the boys to kill friends or family members.The girls they kidnap become sex slaves and are raped repeatedly (sometimes over periods of years).
The reaction of Uganda’s government to this conflict was the force around 2 million people away from their homes and all that they owned (except for what they could carry on their backs) and into internally displaced peoples camps.These refugee camps exacerbated the problem, which a few years ago, an international reporter described as the most neglected humanitarian emergency in the world today.
Over the past two years, hope came with the Juba peace talks, but unfortunately, peace was not the result, and now the LRA is at large.For the time being, they are not in Uganda, but instead reeking the same sort of havoc in the already warn torn areas of East Democratic Republic of Congo and South Sudan.The absence of the LRA has allowed around half the people in the internally displaced people camps to go home (or at least, what was left of their homes, if anything).There is no guarantee that the LRA will stay out of North Uganda, but for now, there is hope.
The damage the LRA has caused combined with mismanagement by the Ugandan government has led to a huge humanitarian crisis, and it will take time for Uganda to be rebuilt.
The purpose of this fundraiser is to try to foster sustainable development through rebuilding the schools of Northern Uganda.Invisible Children focuses heavily on economically sustainable programs that employ Ugandans and also facilitate the further development of Uganda by improving the standard of education.Specifically, the money raised for the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences will go to Gulu Secondary School.The program we are participating is called the Schools for Schools program.If you go to that website, you will see that the program is officially over.Do not fret.All the money we raise will still go to that program, but we are not taking part in the competition aspect (which we did while I was at Lake Forest).We aren’t focused on winning, but instead, we are solely focused on helping Children in Northern Uganda.
If you are interested to giving, you can donate via Credit Card at:
Ever since I returned from Guyana, I’ve felt compelled to get involved with fundraising for the Invisible Children, but a little voice inside my head said, “No Ethan, you can’t do it!”The reasoning of that little voice was that medical school is too demanding.The voice got louder this year and it added the phrase, “But Ethan, you’ve got to pass Step 1!”
Yet, my conviction to get involved to help the children of Northern Uganda grew (this happened with inspiration from a very unlikely source), and I have now chased off that little voice, because I certainly have time to do the things that I am passionate about.It is my hope that the little voice stays away, for I’m afraid it was the little voice of complacency, a dangerous foe.
I’m passionate about these children, because I realize that they are not so different from me.If I was born in Uganda, I’d be dead right now.If some how I evaded AIDS, the rebels, malnutrition, malaria, and tuberculosis, cancer would have killed me.I would have had no chance.I’ve been so blessed in my life…I’ve been given so many opportunities.I remember a time in which I did not know whether I had a future, and I imagine that there are many Ugandans who wonder the same thing.I had a future and I want these children to have a future as well.
And also, while Invisible Children is not a Christian organization, Christ is the most important thing in my life, and He loves these people very much.He died for them, and many of them believe in Him, and many of them have been praying for years for an end to this conflict.If you pray, please pray with them and for them.Thanks so much!
So, I still have a lot to write about love, and I hope that over this two week break, I'm able to write at least a couple of posts about it. I have a lot to learn about loving like God, but of one thing I'm sure. I am not able to love like God on my own accord. My only hope is to learn to let go of myself long enough to let God love through me.
As I walked to campus today before the test, I felt in tune with God's love, and the joy that comes from this feeling rained down upon me. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. There is nothing better than His ever present love. So I have such a reason to be joyous always. Yet, I'm most certainly not. I turn my head away from His love on a regular basis. My sin blinds me far too frequently. I have so much to learn.
"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever," Psalm 73:25-26.
In Guyana, I lived by a simple philosophy: All I need is God. This sentiment was needed then because externally it seemed as if I had nothing, my future was always up in the air, and I knew nobody. The idea of the sole need of God was not something I had to repeat to myself frequently, but instead something I deeply believed, and something that brought me much joy. Of course, there were times when it became more of an uttered phrase of affirmation (especially my time in Matthews Ridge, which was extremely lonely), but in Guyana I trusted God in a way that I never had previously.
Of course, I need to remember the sole-sufficiency of God just as much in the States. Nonetheless, since I've been back, I have had much more trouble trusting God. Today, as I was driving to school to study, I recalled this sentiment, and once again it brought me joy. For it really is true, if I lose everything in the world I hold dear, my friends, family, possessions, health, and status, and I still have Christ, I have much reason to rejoice. At the moment, there is nothing terrible going on in my life. Things are good; I am blessed. So perhaps it is easier for me to see how much more wonderful Christ is than everything else. I pray that I learn to submit to the Holy Spirit more and realize constantly that all I need is God.
Emmanuel. God is with us. I have God, or rather, God has me. He has me by the hand and the heart, and He is walking with me, directing me constantly to the narrow path that leads to everlasting life. Thank you Father.
After playing soccer this weekend, I took out my contacts.Once I realized that I had left my glasses in my van, I walked outside, opened the red vehicle’s door, and picked up the glasses.As I turned back toward the house, glasses in hand, I got lost in the blur around me.I stopped, looked around, and marveled at how the world blended all together.It was terrifying.I starred at the cars as they passed by without being able to determine that they were cars by any means other than past experience.They appeared as distorted objects with indistinct boundaries.The earth appeared mixed together in the most unnerving of manners.I felt vulnerable and helpless.
I can’t help but think that the way humans view love is similar to the way I view the world without glasses.We don’t view love as it is, but instead, we see a distorted version which blunts the stunning beauty of the real thing.
When I first got glasses, I discovered that the leaves of the trees in the forest weren’t supposed to blend together.When I played soccer, I learned that the ball could be visible well before it got to my feet.It has been fifteen years since I discovered the luxury of sight.In that time, my prescriptions have gotten stronger, and my memory of the former blurred existence has faded so much that it is fair to say that I’ve taken my glasses for granted.
So it is with love.When I try to love, I focus so much on myself that those around me become blurry, just like the leaves.My love is self-serving; concentrating more on the feelings it brings me than the person I’m attempting to love.It is in this way that love loses its focus.The distortion sets in and those “loved” become insignificant, ill-defined masses of green, completely unidentifiable as leaves.Before I got glasses, I was unaware that the world could look any different.Likewise, a person who has never experienced perfect love does not realize that the blurry leaves are a distortion.They’ve only ever known the blurry leaves, so they find no reason for corrective lenses.
I first knowingly experienced Godly love (perfect love, agape) when I was a young child.I didn’t know much, but I knew I had done wrong, that God’s Son died to forgive me of my sins, that He rose again, and that if I believed in Him I would be with Him for all eternity.When I confessed that this day, I felt God’s perfect love for me.Sometimes, it feels as if ever since then I’ve been doing my best to ignore that love.It’s as if I’m trying to forget the beauty that was revealed to me that day that the leaves became distinct.
Jesus stated that if we love God, and we love our neighbor, we fulfill the entire law.Of course, it turns out that loving people perfectly and loving God perfectly are much more challenging than obeying a bunch of rules.Love is hard.I don’t understand it, and as such, it rarely emanates from me.
It is no wonder that love is difficult for us.We’ve never seen it because perfect love left this planet around 2,000 years ago.I’ve met some wonderful believers in my life who excelled at love, but their love did not compare to the love of God.I’ve been blessed with fantastic parents, but their love is as dark as night when placed next to the brilliance of the love of our Lord.
Imagine what it must have been like to follow Christ on Earth and to see His perfect love first hand.I do not know if there has ever been a greater sadness than the despair the apostles felt when Christ died on the cross, nor any joy that exceeds the jubilance of these men upon the realization of His resurrection.The love of Christ was the sort of love that was worth dying for and eleven of the twelve apostles did just this.His love remains just as compelling today.
Before Christ died, he promised us the Holy Spirit, and today, that is how believers experience perfect love.We do not see it in other people, and most of the time, we are too self absorbed to feel it.In fact, we tend to be too self-interested to really love our brother and sister, let alone strangers or our enemies. For the most part, we seem to be content to stare at the distorted image of love our minds have conjured.But in certain moments, we submit to the Holy Spirit long enough to experience God’s perfect love.These are the most blessed moments of our lives.They are the moments in which we can see the beauty around us most clearly, the moments when we do not just see the leaves, but the cells and proteins within them.We see the entire complicated structure for what it is.Beautiful.
On my own accord, I’m not capable of perfect love.However, inside me is the Holy Spirit, the advocate promised from Christ.This means that the one true God and all His power, glory, majesty, and love is inside me right now.Yes, I cannot love like God because I have not yet been made perfect, but inside me is One that is perfect.So for me to love, I must let go of myself, and let the Holy Spirit love through me.In the words of John the Baptist, “He must become greater, I must become less” (John 3:30).Father, teach me how.
